New Year. New Page.

I still cannot believe it when people come up to me and tell me that they've read my blog!  I started this blog to keep myself sane and help me get through my first year of teaching.  Never in a million years would I have thought that people would actually want to read about my problems!  So to those of you that have been on this journey with me and would like to continue reading about my second year this blog has moved to WordPress!  Here is the link:

trying2bsuperman.wordpress.com

Hope to see you there!

Ms. P

The End

So as I sit here in my empty classroom waiting for the extravagant team building trip that has been planned for both the schools (team building should probably happen during the school year not at the end of it), I can't help but think that I made it.

I made it through the 43 eight graders during my first few weeks of school.

I made it through the lack of science resources.

I made it through the meltdowns, the screaming, and the cursing from my students.

I made it through without the support of administration.

I made it through all the crying, stress, and overwhelmingness of working in this building.

I made it through my first year of teaching.

I made it. 

I don't know what the second year will hold, but as of now I am done.  To those of you who make fun of teachers for having their summers off I just want to say that after the shit that I have been through and seen, one summer isn't enough to recover. 

Until next time,

-Ms. P 

Letting Go

If you ever asked me what's the hardest part about teaching I would probably say that it is letting your kids go. My 8th graders graduated last week and most of my current students will not be returning next year. As much as they have gotten on my nerves, I will miss them.  It is so hard to see them go and move on not because I won't be their teacher anymore, but because I don't know what will become of them.  Where will the go?  What will they be doing 10 years from now?  Who will they be?   Will they graduate high school?  Will they drop out? I don't know and for most I will never know.  It is hard to just let them leave.  You've protected them, listened to their problems,  and sat down with them to help them overcome issues.  And then all of a sudden you have to let them go and move on.  

Last year I was having a conversation with my cooperating teacher about this topic and she said that sometimes she sees her students on the news.  Either shot, dead, or arrested. 

God forbid that my own students will ever meet this faith.  

Hopefully there will be another me waiting for them in their next classroom that will be able to see their potential. 

It's the hardest thing ever letting them go.  

-Ms. P 

Principal's Office

The most dreaded place in a school.

I had the fortune to visit it twice this past week.  

The first time:

"Ms. P, are you okay?  You seem so frustrated.  I just wanted to make sure that everything is going okay."

"It's not.  Nothing is okay.  Late last night you told me that I would be watching the 6,7, 8th graders for four hours because the rest of the middle school teachers would be out for a PD.  How do you expect me to come up with something for them to do last minute?  So I put on a movie.  You didn't like that. But there was nothing more that I could have done.  There's no communication in this building."

"Well Ms. P there will be surprises but you have to make the most of them.  Things will come up and you have to be flexible."

"I'm trying.  But I feel that there are way to many surprises in this building.  I just want to make sure that we have some sort of plan before going into next year so we aren't constantly trying to be flexible for every surprise that hits us."

"We can plan all we want but I can't promise you that there won't be any surprises.  There's always surprises."

"Okay."

"You good anything else?"

"Yea we have to do something with all this negative student behavior."

"What do you mean?"

"We had a student bring in a switchblade yesterday and she tried concealing it...and she's back again today?"

"Well let's see."  

Takes out student code of conduct.

"If we look at this it says that..."

I stopped listening.

"I feel unsafe in my classroom.  I fear the safety of my students."

"I see.  I understand."

I realized nothing was going to change. 

"I have to go."

"Okay Ms. P I just want you to know that if you are ever feeling frustrated you can always come to me and we can hash it out right here in this office."

So I was feeling a little frustrated yesterday.   So I went to go "hash it out".  

The second time:

"I need you to be like her (pointing at the principal from the other school who was in the hallway dealing with student behavior)."

"What?"

"I needed you today in my classroom.  Not the dean."

"Hold up.  Come into the office.  First and foremost that is not how you talk to  your boss."

"I'm sorry but I needed you today."

"I have to do things.  I'm a principal.  I have meetings and due dates.  You can't tell me to be like another principal.   I don't tell you that I need you to be like another teacher and I'm your boss."

"I'm sorry but I need you to take care of that 7th grade class."

"I will. (looks down at the list that he was making)"

"Okay thanks whenever you have the time."

I walk out.  Later I find out that he was in his office all day.  He wasn't in any meetings.  I also noticed that after I had this conversation with him he decided to walk up and down the stairs and visited classrooms.  He did his job. 

I cried the rest of the day.  I had another teacher take over my last class and I emailed my coach.  I didn't want to come back next year.  She told me to think about it.  

My students found out I was crying.  They thought I had been fired.  They started yelling at one another.  "Look what you guys did!"  This is all your fault! Now she's leaving us!" "I'm going right down to see that principal and making sure she doesn't leave!"  

The 7th grade girl that I had sent out that day came rushing in and apologized and told me that everything would be okay.   She never does that.

They can be complete assholes to me whenever they want, but the minute someone else is an asshole to me they have a problem.

I can't help but smile. 

-Ms. P

Suspensions

We can't suspend if students skip detentions, start fights, bring concealed weapons to schools, and basically every other negative behavior.

We just can't suspend.

I'm not saying that all of my students need to be suspended or that they all deserve to be suspended, but I feel that there should be some non-negotiable acts that should lead to a suspension.  Starting a fight in the classroom should be a non-negotiable act.  Not suspending those students just gives the message that starting a fight in the classroom is completely okay and that nothing will happen to you if you do decide to fight someone in the classroom.  Ridiculous right?  Well it happens.  Right here.

Why suspension? Because it forces that parents to do something about their kids.  It forces them to put the pressure on their kids to fix their behavior at school.  If we send a student home the parent then has to figure out how they are going to come pick up their child and who they are going to have to leave their child with. Now the consequence of the negative behavior of the child is put on both that child and the parent. That's, I have noticed, how things get done.

But we can't suspend.  Why?  Well it affects our attendance.  If we don't have a 95% or higher attendance rate then we don't get our full points in our rating.  So we don't suspend kids.  So kids keep acting out, starting fights, skipping detentions, nothing happens, and nothing changes.

So I have started a new policy.  You act up in my class, you go to the principal's office and he can deal with you.  Does that not make sense?  Not having suspensions is a problem.  So how do we fix the problem?  We make it someone else's problem.  Someone else who has the power to make changes.

Let's see how long it takes for people to realize that teaching the students is far important than the attendance rate of a school.

-Ms. P

Forget the Science Museums

Remember field trips during school?  I remember going to zoos, museums, aquariums, plays, and basically every other educational place out there.  Did a learn a thing or two during these trips?  Yes of course I did and so did my classmates.

But as I look at my students and learn more and more about them everyday, I realize that museums and zoos are not enough for them.  Field trips should be much more than that.  They should be a way out for my students.  Last week we took a trip to D.C. and it was amazing.  Of course we saw all of the monuments and learned about the history of our country and blah blah, but we gave our students the opportunity to travel, something that most of them have never done before and never will.  We showed them the outside world, the real world.

"Ms. P! There's so many white people!"

That's a phrase that I will never forget.  They live in a country which is known as the melting pot of the world, yet they have failed to actually live in it.  These are the experiences that my students need.  So here starts my journey to make sure that these students get to experience as many places before they leave me...as long as the budget allows for it.


-Ms. P

The Small Things

We sometimes forget how much of a privileged life we live.  How we don't have to worry about feeding ourselves, worry about finding a place to sleep, or even making sure that we have something to wear.  I know I do.  All the time.  But, this past week I realized how those who don't have these necessities still somehow find a way to smile.  

I have two students who are both sisters.  This past month they moved about an hour away from school.  They now have to take two different trains every morning to get to school which takes about two hours.  So they're late almost everyday.  But that's not even the entire story.

They live in a two bedroom apartment and there are six people in the family.  So they find themselves sleeping on the floors without a mattress.  This past week their electricity was cut off so they now have to shower in cold water and their food in their refrigerator is spoiled.  They don't have much to eat because they don't have the money.

But that isn't even the point.  

The younger sister came up to class last Friday an hour late.  She came up to me with a huge smile on her face and said, "Ms. P! I knew you were going to read the next chapter of The Giver so I read ahead so I wouldn't miss anything!"

That's the point. 

The small things. 

“If you take care of the small things,
the big things take care of themselves.
You can gain more control over your life by
paying closer attention to the little things.”
~ Emily Dickinson

The 4 Mile Radius

This past week we went on a field trip to a large college campus.  This university is located in a rural area and basically it's a big college town.  The experience that I had with my students there was...how can I put this...truly eye opening.

"Ms. P It smells...clean.  Why?!"  

Such a simple observation really made me start thinking about the 4-Mile radius.  The 4-Mile radius is a term used by the teachers here that refers to the area that most of these students have not left all their lives. So they don't realize that there are places that are different than their hometowns, there are people that are different than those that live in their neighborhoods, and that there are cultures that are different than that they are used to. 

And so I said, "That's right!  You're not in the city anymore!".  

I wanted to take a group picture and so I found a random college student and gave her my camera to take the picture.  

"Ms. P! Why are you talking to strangers?  How are you just going to give her your camera!?"  

And for a second time I didn't really know what to say.  I mean I guess I didn't think twice about talking to a total stranger on the street and most importantly didn't think twice about making sure that she didn't steal my camera.  It never occurred to me and that's because I never had to grow up making sure to watch my back at all times, I never had to grow up around people that I couldn't trust, and most importantly I never had to grow up with my parents constantly reminding me to watch out for people.  It was never really needed and so I was taken back by that comment. 

And then I over hear another student saying, "Ohhh why is that white girl walking with those black guys!?"  

I didn't realize how much of a culture shock this whole experience was to these kids.  They're seeing things that they have never seen before and they don't know how to react.  How do I explain to them that this is what the rest of world looks, smells, and feels like. THIS is normal.  THIS is how you should be living.

I began thinking about the students whose parents decided that they didn't want to let their students go on this trip because they were "too scared" to let them go.  That's right they were scared to let their kids go from this 4-Mile radius.  I couldn't understand. You're limiting your child's experiences and most importantly you're making it harder for them to move up and away from the impoverished and gang infested neighborhoods.  They don't have anything to work for anymore because they don't know what's out there.  They don't know that there is this entire new world that they can work for.  They will never realize that there's more out there and that all the work that they do in school will one day be all worth it because success is only 4 miles away.  But they never will. 

They are imprisoned in this 4-Mile radius.  
Some will never make it out. 

-Ms. P

When Did It Happen?

I was 22 when I started this journey.  I am now 23 and I'm thinking wow.  My biggest goal last year at this time was to live up my last year of college.  My biggest goal this year: making sure my students learn something, making sure my students grow on their end of the year test, making sure my students get the most out of their learning, making sure my students graduate, making sure my students are on the right track to high school, and making sure I'm doing my best to get them there.  

I know you've probably heard this before but I'm not only a teacher.  I'm a mentor, role model, advisor, parent, disciplinarian, counselor, party planner, delegate, and basically everything that a child/administrator needs me to be.  I don't think people realize how true this is.  It's cute to hear but actually living it is tough and so there is no room left for you.  I just came out of an ILT (Instructional Leadership Team) meeting last week where we were making decisions about next year.  I mean I didn't even think a first year teacher could be a part of the ILT.  What experiences do I to even be a part of a leadership team?  But there I was making decisions.  I didn't even know what we where talking about half the time but I was trying and that's another part of growing up. Getting yourself thrown into something that makes no sense to you and hoping for the best.  

It's only been a year and my priorities no longer focus on me and that's the hardest part about growing up. I'm not the center of my life anymore.  I have 85 little bodies that now make up this center.  Everything revolves around them.  I now completely understand new parents and how they're ALWAYS talking about their kids and what they're doing and showing you pictures ALL the time.  I totally get it and I'm sorry for ever hating you.  I look around at my friends and their "important moving up the ladder" lives and I can't help but think when did it happen?  

When did we all grow up so fast? 

-Ms. P

#Proud

When I'm proud of my kids I want to share it with the world!  This is a graduation speech that one of my 8th graders wrote.  I don't get a lot of genuinely good writing and so this just truly made my day and gave hope that you know what there is hope out there somewhere.  

Enjoy:

A great man once said, “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Families, Friends, Teachers and Staff, before you up on this stage are a group of  hilarious people who I couldn’t hate no matter how hard I tried. Geniuses who question my intelligence everyday and I wouldn’t be surprised if they came up to me after this to correct whatever mistakes I might’ve made! On this stage is a group of free, confused and lonely scholars who are indeed crazy, but will definitely change the world one day.

This year was not at all what any of us were expecting, but luckily we survived. We made it and now we’re up on this stage and we have the honor to stand before you all and make you proud. Those smiles on your faces are because of us and nothing warms our hearts more than all of your smiles. Nothing is better than this feeling we all have right now! I had so many doubts this year and I was so sure that I wouldn’t be where I am right now, but I am. And you know what I don’t even care anymore. I don’t care about yesterday’s pain or how I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and think about right now. I don’t care about any of that. At least not right now. Everything is so complete in this moment and I don’t need anything to rain on my parade. They say that nothing beautiful is perfect, but I cannot think of a more beautifully perfected moment than right now. 

And I know that there are people who say that all dreams don’t come true, and there are people who forget what it’s like to be 13 when they turn 14. And though these will all be stories someday, and our pictures will be old photographs, and we’ll become somebody’s parents one day. But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here and I am looking at my wonderful classmates, and I am so proud of them right now. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song on that drive and you’re sitting on the stage, with the people you love most in this world. And in that moment. I swear we are infinite

I give to you the Class of 2014!

-Ms. P

I Don't Care

You're failing this class.  "I don't care."
I'm calling home tonight.  "I don't care."
You need to get back here before you get in trouble.  "I don't care."
You didn't do your homework It's going down as a zero.  "I don't care."
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

I have been having such a difficult time with my 7th graders that I just had to dedicate a post just to those 26 lovely bunch of I want to tear my head of when I see you individuals.  I would rather deal with both 6th and 8th grade in one room than deal with this class.  Now that's saying something.

A lot of my students use the phrase "I don't care" but these 7th graders just take it to another level.

I mean lets be real here.  If I make your parent come down to school right this minute, those tears will be coming down faster than you can say "I don't care" one more time!  So I know there's a small little spark of "I do care" somewhere in there.  How do I get it out?!

That's the hard part.  I will be honest here.  My 7th graders are going to have one tough time getting into a good high school next year because of their grades and most importantly because of this "I don't care" attitude.  I have done everything possible.  Called their parents, made their parents come to school, had their parents follow their child for a few hours at school, and everything in between.  I have literally showed them the requirements of the top high schools in the city and we've sat down figuring out which ones they are able to get into (which are slim to none).  But nothing.  There is no change. There is no motivation to do better.  Nothing.  In fact they actually started laughing and calling each other out.  "Haha you stupid..you ain't gettin anywhere!."  Really?

My 7th graders took a test on the elements and the periodic table about  two weeks ago.  The class average was a 48.2%.  48.2!!!  EVERY single one of them failed.  Miserably.  And to make things worse I gave them a study guide that was WORD FOR WORD the test.  I mean it couldn't have been easier for them.  So what happened?  They didn't study because they didn't care.  It's that simple. As a teacher the worst thing that can probably happen to you is having a group of students who just don't care about their education.

It's the worst feeling in the world and it's happening to me and I don't know what to do about it.

-Ms. P

Celebrations

What?  I'm celebrating?  

Yes!  It's going to be a very short term celebration but a celebration nonetheless.  Last week we received some data back from our testing back in December.  The data showed our student growth from end of the last school year to December of this school year.  Glad to say my 6th grade ELA students grew 96%.  We were the second class behind 8th grade (who grew 99%) in the school to have a  growth above 40%.  I am extremely proud of my students.  I shared the document with them and they too were amazed.  As a first year teacher I just let out a huge sigh of relief.  I'm ACTUALLY teaching kids and they're ACTUALLY learning something! I still can't believe it.  We obviously have a lot of work ahead of us to keep up that 96% and especially if my students think they can raise it to a 99% by the end of the year and so like I said short term celebration.  

-Ms. P

Decisions Decisions

I've been putting this back for a while now and it kills me every time I think about it.

Next year.

I know I should be covering my butt and making sure that I have a back up plan if my school decides to close next year.  Even if it doesn't close should I take another job?  Should I leave?  Find something better?  Even though I dislike being in that building some days, I can't see myself being anywhere else.  Do I want to go through the same challenges and hurdles next year as well?  More than half of our staff is planning on leaving next year no matter what happens.  Do I want to give up living on the edge at all times, not knowing what's going to happen each day, leaving school drained and defeated? Or do I want to stay and stick it out and make sure that my time spent this past year did not go to waste?

It's April, I mean someone has to have some sort of idea what's going to happen to us next year? You just don't close schools down last minute.  There has to be conversations.  There has to be plans.  Here's my theory: He doesn't want to tell us until after our end of the year testing because if he does we'll be too engrossed in that than focusing on preparing our students to take the test.

Once again standardized tests over everything else that might be considered important.  

I think deep down inside I know what it is that I want to do and that is to stay.  I've given too much to this school already to just pack my bags and leave it behind.  Even though they drive me crazy, I will miss these kids.  I don't know how to stand up there and tell them that I'm leaving them and that they'll have to deal with a whole new teacher all over again.

I mean do  I want something better?  Yes.  Was I expecting a better school year when I stepped into that school for the first time?  Yes.  Is this everything that I wanted and more?  No.

But it's worth it.  I don't know how when everything at this point is looking so bleak.  But it's worth it.  I look at what I'm doing with my life and I know it's worth it.  I work with a group of people who are not only dedicated to their careers but to these kids and to this school as well.  Yes we've had some leave and yes we'll have more leave by next year, but right now they're dedicated.  I just want my dedication to not go to waste so yes I'll be staying...well unless of course we close.  Thats a whole different story for a different time.

Decision made.

-Ms. P

Family

fam·i·ly

  [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] 

noun, plural fam·i·lies.

1.

a.

a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children,considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not:the traditional family.

b.

a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

Family.

Family is something that I've always been grateful to have.  I always knew there was someone or something that was watching my back when grades dropped, when I steered the wrong way, and basically every second of my life.  So when I began to learn things about my own students and their family it took a lot to actually even grasp their situations.

I have students who have parents in jail.  I have students who haven't even met one or both of their parents.  I have students who live with their grandparents, cousins, or aunts. I have students who don't go home. I have students whose parents do not even know where they are at times. I have students whose parents are drug addicts. Basically think of the worse case family scenarios and we've probably got it somewhere at this school. 

How does this affect me?  Well it starts to get annoying when you keep calling parents trying to get them to understand that their child isn't turning in homework or that child is being disrespectful over and over again and you get a "I'll talk to him"  or "I'll make sure she never does that again".  You think it's fixed and you come in the next day and look at that!  Nothing has been fixed.  It's annoying. You want to yell at the parent and be like "Hey you! This is YOUR kid.  If you're not going to care then who is?".  Talk about being frustrated.    

In no way am I judging anyone or anything and in no way am I saying ALL our parents are like this, but what I am trying to get at is that there are reasons. There are reasons why these students behave the way they do.  Every single time I have a bad day where I just can't deal with my students I have to keep reminding myself that there's a reason.  There's always a reason.  No child grows up acting this way.  There's always a story and boy do my kids have a story to tell. 

-Ms. P

Chicagoland

CNN just came out with a documentary entitled Chicagoland a week or so ago.  It's a eight part documentary series on the Chicago Public School closings in 2013.  After watching the pilot I was just blown away by how truthful the entire thing was.  The feelings of the students, parents, and teachers was all true.  The problems with having students walk from one neighborhood to the other, crossing gang lines, and everything else that came along with this intense school closure is so true.  As an outsider, I didn't really think much of it when it was happening.  I mean I understood that closing down 50 schools was definitely going to cause a dilemma for everyone involved, but I understand it a whole lot better now because I can relate to it.  I'm currently teaching students whose school closed down last year due to this change.  I 'm currently teaching students who cross through those same gang lines everyday to come to school.  At the beginning of the school year our students were provided a bus that would pick up the students from the old building to bring them to the new building.  We are now down to one bus.  Next year (if there is a next year) they are saying that this bus service will no longer be available due to monetary issues.  This is just my school, I wonder if this is currently happening with the other schools that were closed down.  What about those students who moved to welcoming schools?  Are they getting this bus service?  What is going on with those students? 

I had a student ask me for a ride home after school.  I asked him why.  He said he was scared to walk home because there were some crazy people out there that he didn't want to deal with.  At first I thought he was joking around.  For a minute I forgot where I was teaching and I told him to stop making things up.  He looked back at me and I realized he was being dead serious.  

There's a problem.  When will we realize? 

Chicagoland Link

-Ms. P

T-3

2 Science Fairs to plan and host
4 Student council activities to plan
1 College visit to plan
1 D.C trip
2 State/National assessments to proctor and plan for
1 8th grade luncheon, picnic, trip, and graduation
2 Report cards to distribute
1 Progress Report
1 Book fair
7 Saturday schools to teach
7 Weeks of intense small group ELA instruction to plan
And the meetings and professional developments to attend in between.
And all the other things that will pop up last minute in between as well.

T-3 Months and the countdown begins.

Unionized & Recognized

I never really knew how to feel about teacher unions.  I never really planned to be a part of the union.  I didn't like the idea of people coming together to complain about their teaching career.  I always thought that if you had a problem you could sit down as adults and fix it with your principal or whoever that you are having an issue with.  Just the way teacher unions were portrayed in the media I knew that they were not for me.  I just wanted to go into the classroom, teach, and go home.  I would never have the need to be a part of this organization because I was never going to have issues.  

Well I'm halfway in my first year of teaching and not only did I just sign up to be a part of the union, but the teachers voted me as the school's union delegate.  I didn't run for this position and I didn't ask for this position.  No one else wanted it so I was voted on because I have a " strong voice".  Obviously my views on unions have changed because after experiencing the things that I have at this school there had to be something that could save the teachers here.  

Along with being unionized this past week I was also recognized.  We don't get a lot of pat on the backs and genuine "great work".   So this one came as a GIANT surprise.   I was walking up the stairs to the fourth floor (elevator hasn't been working for the past few months-also learned this was against union policy) and I was stopped by the principal.  Wait the wrong principal.  The principal from the other school.  She said, "Ms. P you have your kids. You manage your kids very well.  Good work".  

Those words made my day.  Honestly I don't even care if I have good management or not.  That genuine and specific compliment not only made me feel a whole lot better about myself, but it also gave me that push to keep doing my best.  I will make every effort to make sure that my students are on top of it whenever we pass by this principal from now on.  

Positive reinforcement people.  It's not only for the students.  It works on teachers as well.

-Ms. P

  

Irrelevant Testing

It's that time of the year again...standardized state tests!

I never really thought much about these tests before, but now that I've had the chance to experience the weeks leading up to a standardized state test do I have a lot to say.

I don't have a problem with testing.  I think assessments are great!  They let the teachers know where their students fall on the spectrum and they let the students know how they are progressing.  They can be a great tool to guide future instruction and planning for teachers.  BUT when you actually start looking at what really happens a few weeks before the actual testing period things start looking a little questionable.

About a month ago we were told that it was time to start "preparing" for the state tests.  I thought "preparing" meant that I should continue teaching the way I was teaching before and maybe do a few test prep questions here and there and then a week before the test work on some practice tests so that students do not get test anxiety the day of.  Let's just say I was completely wrong.

Preparing actually meant PREPARE.  Make sure you get through all the content that might show up on the test, make sure to create anchor charts that match the content, make sure all of your do nows and exit slips and even in class assignments match the testing format, and so on.  After looking back at my month of "preparing" in this way I feel that I wasted not only my time, but my students' time as well.  None of it makes sense.  Four weeks of straight test prep makes no sense to me.  Four weeks of straight test prep for a test which we will not get the results until June or July doesn't make sense to me.  I will never even be able to use the results to better my students because by the time I will see the results it will be too late.  They won't be in my classroom.  It makes no sense.

The urgency and the push to prepare our students for assessments that will neither help them nor I doesn't make sense to me.  The irrelevancy of these standardized test makes me look at our education system and think why.  

I was told to "focus" on my 6th and 7th graders because they would be tested this year and basically to have the rest of my students (6th and 8th grade science) work on science fair projects.  I have NOT taught anything to them for the past four weeks!  How is that right?  If I did teach them something I probably would get in trouble for not having any projects to show at the science fair, If I didn't teach them anything then well...its illegal?  Today I went up to the principal, sat him down, and gave it to him straight.  I refuse to not teach my students.  I refuse to work on science fair projects in the classroom because nothing ever gets done.  Students don't bring their materials, I'm spending hundreds and hundreds on their supplies, and basically I can't keep track of ALL their projects all at once.  It's not working and the fair is in 2.5 weeks.  

Irrelevant testing isn't helping anyone at this point.

I'm screwed.

-Ms. P

The Fear of Not Knowing

We can all see it.  This co-location is not working.  Two schools in one building is not working.  Three of my students this past week were told they couldn't borrow books from the only library that we have at school because it was not their school's library.  I mean how are you going stop a student from borrowing a book?  It's already difficult to get these kids to read, but now you're going to make it even harder by telling them they can't borrow a book because their school's name is not on the library walls?

This co-location is not working.  You cannot have two schools in one building if they are not willing to work together for the better of ALL the students in the building and that is why I don't know if we will exist next year.

There are rumors of course about our school closing next year, but obviously none of our decision makers ever give us any warnings or updates.  Will the kids be back here next year?  Do parents have to start looking for a new school for their kids?  Will I have a job next year?  Should I start looking for a new job?

No one knows.

All you can do is keep doing your job and hope for the best because you have no other choice.  Which is the WORST part.  I have kids who come up to me asking me, "Ms. P will I be in your class next year?", "Ms. P are you still going to teach ELA next year?" and I look at them and I want to tell them that I honestly don't know.  I want to tell them that this school, this school that President Obama visited, this school that used to be a strong high performing school only 4 years ago, might not exist next year because we might have failed.  We might have failed to teach you.  We might have failed to keep you. We might have failed you because the adults decided to care about all the wrong things.  But I can't.  I look at them and I smile and I say "yes, of course I will".

It literally is the scariest thing ever.  The fear of not knowing.

-Ms. P

The Other Dropouts

Greg Fairbanks is a senior staff at UNITE (Urban Needs in Teacher Education) and I've had the pleasure of meeting and working with him and the rest of the UNITE staff this past year.  UNITE's mission "focuses on enhancing the preparation of future teachers with knowledge, skills, and experiences to promote success upon immediate arrival in a K-12 classroom throughout our nation’s most underprivileged and underrepresented schools in effort to strive towards lowering the national attrition rate."

Greg's Ted Talk really puts things in perspective about the reality of teacher dropouts.  I've already had three teachers leave my school this past year.  I'm also sure that there are still a few more that are just sticking it out until the end of the year and will not be seen again next year.  It's cold, but it's the truth. 

Teachers become teachers for a reason and that's to teach.  Like Greg said, I have family and friends ask me what my plans for later are or am I planning on moving up the ladder to administration.  I usually always nod and say yeah thinking about it, but honestly no I'm not.  And just like Greg said this is it.  It ends right here for me. This is my career.  I'm not saying people don't respect what I do, but it's sad when they don't see teaching as a life long career.  Apparently it's not "good enough" to be a just a teacher?  

Going off this Ted Talk teacher dropout rate also affects the students.  Starting fresh is hard.  Trust me I have seen my students experience it at least two times this past year.  It's difficult.  The teacher is usually the only consistency that most of these kids have in their lives and when that starts changing, well they began to lose faith.  The last thing we need is for our students to lose faith.  

I mean 50% of teachers dropout of the profession meaning they no longer want to be teachers. 

50.   

-Ms. P

Rainbows and Butterflies

I'll be honest.  My kids don't know when to stop.  When to stop yelling.  When to stop being disrespectful.  When to stop arguing.  When to stop fighting.  They just don't know how.

But what I do know that if you truly show them that you care for them, that you respect them, that you will be there for them until the end of time, they will stop.  They will stop for you.  They will blindly follow you and do what you ask them to do.

It has taken a lot of time, energy, and full on student vs teacher matches for me to get to where I am right now with my students.  I have them.  They know me.  They respect me.  Most importantly we're finally able to pick up a book and learn something without having to worry about certain students causing commotions in classroom.  I'll be honest there are still a few stragglers but it's gotten a lot better.
I'm not saying my classroom is now rainbows and butterflies.  We still have some days where my voice level reaches far above the normal level of a teacher.  But we now have more days were we actually get things done.

I have learned that in order to make this happen you have to put yourself in their shoes.  Most of these kids barely get three meals a day.  They carry weapons in their backpacks to stay safe during their walks home after school. They have issues at home that we can barely fathom.  They are the parents to their younger brothers and sisters because no one else at home cares for them.

These kids demand to be treated like adults because to be honest they ARE adults.  The fighting, the yelling,  and the arguing all comes out due to the fact that these kids, these babies have had to grow up so fast because there was no other choice.  Would you care about studying for a test on an empty stomach?  Would you care about staying up in class when you spent all night taking care of a sick sibling?  I'm not saying all my students go through these obstacles.  But many do and those that do are the ones that are falling into the cracks.

I try.  I try to save them.  But trying only gets you so far.  And that's where I'm struggling.  I'm struggling to keep them afloat.  The most frustrating part about it is that no one fully understands your students than you.  Authority in the school walks all over the kids.  Yelling, arguing, disrespecting them as if they weren't human.  My kids relapse.  They take their anger out on me and we start all over again.
But as their only hope to survival you try and you keep trying.  You smile, you let them yell, you let them argue, and you keep hoping that one day it will all be worth it.

Like I said it's not perfect.  But that doesn't mean we can't stop trying.

Unfortunately rainbows and butterflies will never exist in education unless we stop running schools as businesses were profits matter more than teaching students what they really need to learn.

-Ms. P

My Kids Are Not Stupid

Our 8th grade class has been invited to this event called the half-cap ceremony.  Those students who are on their way to graduate from the 8th grade are all invited to this event, those that are not, well they don't get to attend.  Those that are not are put out on blast for not "meeting the requirements" to graduate 8th grade.  So during class today I only had about half of my kids (those who were not invited).  I decided to show this video:

Labeling students as "not meeting the requirements" doesn't raise their hopes to do better.  It keeps them at the bottom.  Especially kids.  Why seclude them?  Why not have a special assembly for them where they can talk to their teachers and parents one on one and figure out how they can meet these requirements?  What are we accomplishing here?  Raising the ones that are already raised and lowering the ones that are already low?  Labeling one group of kids as smart and the other group as stupid?

The big guy walks in the middle asks what they are watching (he already knows) says to shut it down that it is not acceptable.  End of story. He leaves.

I keep playing it until the end.  My kids are not stupid.  End of story.

-Ms. P

And Then There Were Two

We started with four middle school teachers: Math, ELA, Science, and Social Studies.  We lost the original math teacher first semester and we're about to lose our original ELA teacher this week.

I'm trying not to be selfish, but I really wanted her to stay.  Stay for me and stay for the kids.  I know it's bad and I know I shouldn't be selfish and let her go because her reasoning is completely understandable.  Personal issues on top of school issues would just be too much for her to handle. Totally understandable.  

Everything is basically up in the air right now.  Will my schedule change for the fourth time this year? Will science be considered a not so important subject and will I now have to teach 7th and 8th grade ELA?  Will they even hire a new ELA teacher?  Will the students' behavior be back to day 1 behavior? Who knows.  Anything can happen.  Like I've said before no consistency.  

But these kids!  They went through two ELA teachers last year now this is their second this year too. It's unfortunate but there is nothing I can do or nothing they can do.  We are helpless.  We will come back next week pick up the pieces and do it all over again.  What else can we do in a place where teacher turnover is greater than student achievement?

-Ms. P

The Death of Innovation

Watch the video: 

The first time I saw this guy was about three years back when I was watching the documentary Waiting for Superman.  That's Geoffrey Canada the CEO and President of Harlem Children's Zone (HCZ).  HCZ is a non-profit organization that supports families living in Harlem through various programs that include public charter schools.  Let's just say that this guy is actually doing something right.

But, there's one thing in particular that I truly got out of this video and that was the part about innovation.  I have experienced it first hand.  People in the world of education are literally afraid of innovation.  They're afraid of change.  Afraid of new ideas.  Afraid of new approaches.  Every time I come up with something new or try a new activity I'm being asked, "Why".

Why?  How is it going to work?  What does it have to do with that standardized test that they're going to be taking in spring?  How will it improve their test scores?

They're afraid of innovation.

 "Well Ms. P just do what we learned in our professional development.  Ms. P I tried this last year at my old school so it's definitely going to work here.  I need you to implement it now. "

And the best one..."Don't make it harder on yourself".

What do I do?  I keep innovating.  I keep searching on the web for new ways to teach my kids.  I keep reading books about teaching.  I keep buying resources.  I mean I'm a teacher!  It's my job to teach kids. Of course I'm going to try and find another way to teach these kids if one way doesn't work.  I work with these kids everyday.  I know why 6th grade Johnny over there can barely read a sentence and 8th grade Susie doesn't understand that question.  I work with them EVERYDAY.  I mean think about it.

No really think about it.

See?

It makes sense doesn't it?  So why is just so dang hard to get people to let you do your job?  You're already telling me WHAT I have to teach.  Now you're going to tell me HOW I'm going to teach it too? What's the point of being a teacher?  I want to be a teacher because it's an innovate and creative field or at least it's supposed to be.

So here's what I'm learning:

1.  You can come up with all the great ideas that you have but when I come into your classroom I want to see you do this, this, and this, and oh yeah this.

2.   Whenever you come to me with an idea you better have an example of how it's going to help raise our test scores because we need to make sure that they look great on those nice graphs and charts.

Hence, the death of innovation and the beginning of conformity.

-Ms. P

Ready

Remember that graph of attitudes toward teaching way back when?

School starts Monday and I'm ready for some rejuvenation and everything that will come with it.

Bring it. 

-Ms . P