The Fear of Not Knowing

We can all see it.  This co-location is not working.  Two schools in one building is not working.  Three of my students this past week were told they couldn't borrow books from the only library that we have at school because it was not their school's library.  I mean how are you going stop a student from borrowing a book?  It's already difficult to get these kids to read, but now you're going to make it even harder by telling them they can't borrow a book because their school's name is not on the library walls?

This co-location is not working.  You cannot have two schools in one building if they are not willing to work together for the better of ALL the students in the building and that is why I don't know if we will exist next year.

There are rumors of course about our school closing next year, but obviously none of our decision makers ever give us any warnings or updates.  Will the kids be back here next year?  Do parents have to start looking for a new school for their kids?  Will I have a job next year?  Should I start looking for a new job?

No one knows.

All you can do is keep doing your job and hope for the best because you have no other choice.  Which is the WORST part.  I have kids who come up to me asking me, "Ms. P will I be in your class next year?", "Ms. P are you still going to teach ELA next year?" and I look at them and I want to tell them that I honestly don't know.  I want to tell them that this school, this school that President Obama visited, this school that used to be a strong high performing school only 4 years ago, might not exist next year because we might have failed.  We might have failed to teach you.  We might have failed to keep you. We might have failed you because the adults decided to care about all the wrong things.  But I can't.  I look at them and I smile and I say "yes, of course I will".

It literally is the scariest thing ever.  The fear of not knowing.

-Ms. P