It's About the Kids...Right?

You hear about all these stories of how teachers make a difference in low income communities and how they "change" things around and how their classrooms are perfect and the kids love them and blah blah blah.

Making a difference is something that I think we all want to do one day.  It's the reason why I took this job in a low income community, in a school where the teachers left their students, and in a school where there was a lack of support and budget.  What was I thinking?  I thought I would walk in, charm the kids, and they would fall in love with me and I would become the next freedom writer?  So simple. Right?

Not.  Not at all.  Its hard.  

I'm teaching 4 classes a day, 5 hours a day, not counting the preps and hours spent before and after school.  I have teachers in my school that teach less than 2 hours a day, but make the same amount as I do, also first year teachers.  But I shouldn't think about that right?  It's about the kids right?  

I have probably spent over $500 of my own money on resources, books, classroom decor, prizes, etc.  None of which will be reimbursed.  But I shouldn't think about that right?  It's about the kids right?

I sit there and I take in criticism from administration for not having my standards posted on my board, for not having my student data posted, for not replacing my cardboard boxes with clear containers, for not having enough collegiate posters on my walls, for not having a bigger library, and on and on.  But I shouldn't think about that right?  It's about the kids right? 

I sit  there and listen to my students tell me that my signed referral doesn't mean anything because the dean isn't going to do anything about it and is just going to send them back in my classroom.  That I can call their mothers because their mothers could care less about what I have to tell them.  But I shouldn't think about that right?  It's about the kids right?  

It's about the kids.  I don't know how many times I am going to tell myself that its okay, you're doing this for the kids.  You're doing this for  them and only them.  They have had so many different teachers in their short lives and they can't lose another one because it's just going to mess them up.  They're going to lose faith.  You can't leave them.  You can't leave them.  You can't leave them.  It's hard.  It's very hard.  But I can't stop.  I need to keep going.  All the way. Until I get through them.  Whether it's this year or next year or the year after that.  I know that I'm no freedom writer and I'm definitely not no Joe Clark...not yet at least.  But I'm getting there and I won't get there if I stop.  If I stop I won't get anymore free paper.  Free paper keeps me going.  

-Ms. P