Decisions Decisions

I've been putting this back for a while now and it kills me every time I think about it.

Next year.

I know I should be covering my butt and making sure that I have a back up plan if my school decides to close next year.  Even if it doesn't close should I take another job?  Should I leave?  Find something better?  Even though I dislike being in that building some days, I can't see myself being anywhere else.  Do I want to go through the same challenges and hurdles next year as well?  More than half of our staff is planning on leaving next year no matter what happens.  Do I want to give up living on the edge at all times, not knowing what's going to happen each day, leaving school drained and defeated? Or do I want to stay and stick it out and make sure that my time spent this past year did not go to waste?

It's April, I mean someone has to have some sort of idea what's going to happen to us next year? You just don't close schools down last minute.  There has to be conversations.  There has to be plans.  Here's my theory: He doesn't want to tell us until after our end of the year testing because if he does we'll be too engrossed in that than focusing on preparing our students to take the test.

Once again standardized tests over everything else that might be considered important.  

I think deep down inside I know what it is that I want to do and that is to stay.  I've given too much to this school already to just pack my bags and leave it behind.  Even though they drive me crazy, I will miss these kids.  I don't know how to stand up there and tell them that I'm leaving them and that they'll have to deal with a whole new teacher all over again.

I mean do  I want something better?  Yes.  Was I expecting a better school year when I stepped into that school for the first time?  Yes.  Is this everything that I wanted and more?  No.

But it's worth it.  I don't know how when everything at this point is looking so bleak.  But it's worth it.  I look at what I'm doing with my life and I know it's worth it.  I work with a group of people who are not only dedicated to their careers but to these kids and to this school as well.  Yes we've had some leave and yes we'll have more leave by next year, but right now they're dedicated.  I just want my dedication to not go to waste so yes I'll be staying...well unless of course we close.  Thats a whole different story for a different time.

Decision made.

-Ms. P

Family

fam·i·ly

  [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] 

noun, plural fam·i·lies.

1.

a.

a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children,considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not:the traditional family.

b.

a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

Family.

Family is something that I've always been grateful to have.  I always knew there was someone or something that was watching my back when grades dropped, when I steered the wrong way, and basically every second of my life.  So when I began to learn things about my own students and their family it took a lot to actually even grasp their situations.

I have students who have parents in jail.  I have students who haven't even met one or both of their parents.  I have students who live with their grandparents, cousins, or aunts. I have students who don't go home. I have students whose parents do not even know where they are at times. I have students whose parents are drug addicts. Basically think of the worse case family scenarios and we've probably got it somewhere at this school. 

How does this affect me?  Well it starts to get annoying when you keep calling parents trying to get them to understand that their child isn't turning in homework or that child is being disrespectful over and over again and you get a "I'll talk to him"  or "I'll make sure she never does that again".  You think it's fixed and you come in the next day and look at that!  Nothing has been fixed.  It's annoying. You want to yell at the parent and be like "Hey you! This is YOUR kid.  If you're not going to care then who is?".  Talk about being frustrated.    

In no way am I judging anyone or anything and in no way am I saying ALL our parents are like this, but what I am trying to get at is that there are reasons. There are reasons why these students behave the way they do.  Every single time I have a bad day where I just can't deal with my students I have to keep reminding myself that there's a reason.  There's always a reason.  No child grows up acting this way.  There's always a story and boy do my kids have a story to tell. 

-Ms. P

Chicagoland

CNN just came out with a documentary entitled Chicagoland a week or so ago.  It's a eight part documentary series on the Chicago Public School closings in 2013.  After watching the pilot I was just blown away by how truthful the entire thing was.  The feelings of the students, parents, and teachers was all true.  The problems with having students walk from one neighborhood to the other, crossing gang lines, and everything else that came along with this intense school closure is so true.  As an outsider, I didn't really think much of it when it was happening.  I mean I understood that closing down 50 schools was definitely going to cause a dilemma for everyone involved, but I understand it a whole lot better now because I can relate to it.  I'm currently teaching students whose school closed down last year due to this change.  I 'm currently teaching students who cross through those same gang lines everyday to come to school.  At the beginning of the school year our students were provided a bus that would pick up the students from the old building to bring them to the new building.  We are now down to one bus.  Next year (if there is a next year) they are saying that this bus service will no longer be available due to monetary issues.  This is just my school, I wonder if this is currently happening with the other schools that were closed down.  What about those students who moved to welcoming schools?  Are they getting this bus service?  What is going on with those students? 

I had a student ask me for a ride home after school.  I asked him why.  He said he was scared to walk home because there were some crazy people out there that he didn't want to deal with.  At first I thought he was joking around.  For a minute I forgot where I was teaching and I told him to stop making things up.  He looked back at me and I realized he was being dead serious.  

There's a problem.  When will we realize? 

Chicagoland Link

-Ms. P

T-3

2 Science Fairs to plan and host
4 Student council activities to plan
1 College visit to plan
1 D.C trip
2 State/National assessments to proctor and plan for
1 8th grade luncheon, picnic, trip, and graduation
2 Report cards to distribute
1 Progress Report
1 Book fair
7 Saturday schools to teach
7 Weeks of intense small group ELA instruction to plan
And the meetings and professional developments to attend in between.
And all the other things that will pop up last minute in between as well.

T-3 Months and the countdown begins.

Unionized & Recognized

I never really knew how to feel about teacher unions.  I never really planned to be a part of the union.  I didn't like the idea of people coming together to complain about their teaching career.  I always thought that if you had a problem you could sit down as adults and fix it with your principal or whoever that you are having an issue with.  Just the way teacher unions were portrayed in the media I knew that they were not for me.  I just wanted to go into the classroom, teach, and go home.  I would never have the need to be a part of this organization because I was never going to have issues.  

Well I'm halfway in my first year of teaching and not only did I just sign up to be a part of the union, but the teachers voted me as the school's union delegate.  I didn't run for this position and I didn't ask for this position.  No one else wanted it so I was voted on because I have a " strong voice".  Obviously my views on unions have changed because after experiencing the things that I have at this school there had to be something that could save the teachers here.  

Along with being unionized this past week I was also recognized.  We don't get a lot of pat on the backs and genuine "great work".   So this one came as a GIANT surprise.   I was walking up the stairs to the fourth floor (elevator hasn't been working for the past few months-also learned this was against union policy) and I was stopped by the principal.  Wait the wrong principal.  The principal from the other school.  She said, "Ms. P you have your kids. You manage your kids very well.  Good work".  

Those words made my day.  Honestly I don't even care if I have good management or not.  That genuine and specific compliment not only made me feel a whole lot better about myself, but it also gave me that push to keep doing my best.  I will make every effort to make sure that my students are on top of it whenever we pass by this principal from now on.  

Positive reinforcement people.  It's not only for the students.  It works on teachers as well.

-Ms. P

  

Irrelevant Testing

It's that time of the year again...standardized state tests!

I never really thought much about these tests before, but now that I've had the chance to experience the weeks leading up to a standardized state test do I have a lot to say.

I don't have a problem with testing.  I think assessments are great!  They let the teachers know where their students fall on the spectrum and they let the students know how they are progressing.  They can be a great tool to guide future instruction and planning for teachers.  BUT when you actually start looking at what really happens a few weeks before the actual testing period things start looking a little questionable.

About a month ago we were told that it was time to start "preparing" for the state tests.  I thought "preparing" meant that I should continue teaching the way I was teaching before and maybe do a few test prep questions here and there and then a week before the test work on some practice tests so that students do not get test anxiety the day of.  Let's just say I was completely wrong.

Preparing actually meant PREPARE.  Make sure you get through all the content that might show up on the test, make sure to create anchor charts that match the content, make sure all of your do nows and exit slips and even in class assignments match the testing format, and so on.  After looking back at my month of "preparing" in this way I feel that I wasted not only my time, but my students' time as well.  None of it makes sense.  Four weeks of straight test prep makes no sense to me.  Four weeks of straight test prep for a test which we will not get the results until June or July doesn't make sense to me.  I will never even be able to use the results to better my students because by the time I will see the results it will be too late.  They won't be in my classroom.  It makes no sense.

The urgency and the push to prepare our students for assessments that will neither help them nor I doesn't make sense to me.  The irrelevancy of these standardized test makes me look at our education system and think why.  

I was told to "focus" on my 6th and 7th graders because they would be tested this year and basically to have the rest of my students (6th and 8th grade science) work on science fair projects.  I have NOT taught anything to them for the past four weeks!  How is that right?  If I did teach them something I probably would get in trouble for not having any projects to show at the science fair, If I didn't teach them anything then well...its illegal?  Today I went up to the principal, sat him down, and gave it to him straight.  I refuse to not teach my students.  I refuse to work on science fair projects in the classroom because nothing ever gets done.  Students don't bring their materials, I'm spending hundreds and hundreds on their supplies, and basically I can't keep track of ALL their projects all at once.  It's not working and the fair is in 2.5 weeks.  

Irrelevant testing isn't helping anyone at this point.

I'm screwed.

-Ms. P

The Fear of Not Knowing

We can all see it.  This co-location is not working.  Two schools in one building is not working.  Three of my students this past week were told they couldn't borrow books from the only library that we have at school because it was not their school's library.  I mean how are you going stop a student from borrowing a book?  It's already difficult to get these kids to read, but now you're going to make it even harder by telling them they can't borrow a book because their school's name is not on the library walls?

This co-location is not working.  You cannot have two schools in one building if they are not willing to work together for the better of ALL the students in the building and that is why I don't know if we will exist next year.

There are rumors of course about our school closing next year, but obviously none of our decision makers ever give us any warnings or updates.  Will the kids be back here next year?  Do parents have to start looking for a new school for their kids?  Will I have a job next year?  Should I start looking for a new job?

No one knows.

All you can do is keep doing your job and hope for the best because you have no other choice.  Which is the WORST part.  I have kids who come up to me asking me, "Ms. P will I be in your class next year?", "Ms. P are you still going to teach ELA next year?" and I look at them and I want to tell them that I honestly don't know.  I want to tell them that this school, this school that President Obama visited, this school that used to be a strong high performing school only 4 years ago, might not exist next year because we might have failed.  We might have failed to teach you.  We might have failed to keep you. We might have failed you because the adults decided to care about all the wrong things.  But I can't.  I look at them and I smile and I say "yes, of course I will".

It literally is the scariest thing ever.  The fear of not knowing.

-Ms. P