The End

So as I sit here in my empty classroom waiting for the extravagant team building trip that has been planned for both the schools (team building should probably happen during the school year not at the end of it), I can't help but think that I made it.

I made it through the 43 eight graders during my first few weeks of school.

I made it through the lack of science resources.

I made it through the meltdowns, the screaming, and the cursing from my students.

I made it through without the support of administration.

I made it through all the crying, stress, and overwhelmingness of working in this building.

I made it through my first year of teaching.

I made it. 

I don't know what the second year will hold, but as of now I am done.  To those of you who make fun of teachers for having their summers off I just want to say that after the shit that I have been through and seen, one summer isn't enough to recover. 

Until next time,

-Ms. P 

Letting Go

If you ever asked me what's the hardest part about teaching I would probably say that it is letting your kids go. My 8th graders graduated last week and most of my current students will not be returning next year. As much as they have gotten on my nerves, I will miss them.  It is so hard to see them go and move on not because I won't be their teacher anymore, but because I don't know what will become of them.  Where will the go?  What will they be doing 10 years from now?  Who will they be?   Will they graduate high school?  Will they drop out? I don't know and for most I will never know.  It is hard to just let them leave.  You've protected them, listened to their problems,  and sat down with them to help them overcome issues.  And then all of a sudden you have to let them go and move on.  

Last year I was having a conversation with my cooperating teacher about this topic and she said that sometimes she sees her students on the news.  Either shot, dead, or arrested. 

God forbid that my own students will ever meet this faith.  

Hopefully there will be another me waiting for them in their next classroom that will be able to see their potential. 

It's the hardest thing ever letting them go.  

-Ms. P 

Principal's Office

The most dreaded place in a school.

I had the fortune to visit it twice this past week.  

The first time:

"Ms. P, are you okay?  You seem so frustrated.  I just wanted to make sure that everything is going okay."

"It's not.  Nothing is okay.  Late last night you told me that I would be watching the 6,7, 8th graders for four hours because the rest of the middle school teachers would be out for a PD.  How do you expect me to come up with something for them to do last minute?  So I put on a movie.  You didn't like that. But there was nothing more that I could have done.  There's no communication in this building."

"Well Ms. P there will be surprises but you have to make the most of them.  Things will come up and you have to be flexible."

"I'm trying.  But I feel that there are way to many surprises in this building.  I just want to make sure that we have some sort of plan before going into next year so we aren't constantly trying to be flexible for every surprise that hits us."

"We can plan all we want but I can't promise you that there won't be any surprises.  There's always surprises."

"Okay."

"You good anything else?"

"Yea we have to do something with all this negative student behavior."

"What do you mean?"

"We had a student bring in a switchblade yesterday and she tried concealing it...and she's back again today?"

"Well let's see."  

Takes out student code of conduct.

"If we look at this it says that..."

I stopped listening.

"I feel unsafe in my classroom.  I fear the safety of my students."

"I see.  I understand."

I realized nothing was going to change. 

"I have to go."

"Okay Ms. P I just want you to know that if you are ever feeling frustrated you can always come to me and we can hash it out right here in this office."

So I was feeling a little frustrated yesterday.   So I went to go "hash it out".  

The second time:

"I need you to be like her (pointing at the principal from the other school who was in the hallway dealing with student behavior)."

"What?"

"I needed you today in my classroom.  Not the dean."

"Hold up.  Come into the office.  First and foremost that is not how you talk to  your boss."

"I'm sorry but I needed you today."

"I have to do things.  I'm a principal.  I have meetings and due dates.  You can't tell me to be like another principal.   I don't tell you that I need you to be like another teacher and I'm your boss."

"I'm sorry but I need you to take care of that 7th grade class."

"I will. (looks down at the list that he was making)"

"Okay thanks whenever you have the time."

I walk out.  Later I find out that he was in his office all day.  He wasn't in any meetings.  I also noticed that after I had this conversation with him he decided to walk up and down the stairs and visited classrooms.  He did his job. 

I cried the rest of the day.  I had another teacher take over my last class and I emailed my coach.  I didn't want to come back next year.  She told me to think about it.  

My students found out I was crying.  They thought I had been fired.  They started yelling at one another.  "Look what you guys did!"  This is all your fault! Now she's leaving us!" "I'm going right down to see that principal and making sure she doesn't leave!"  

The 7th grade girl that I had sent out that day came rushing in and apologized and told me that everything would be okay.   She never does that.

They can be complete assholes to me whenever they want, but the minute someone else is an asshole to me they have a problem.

I can't help but smile. 

-Ms. P

Suspensions

We can't suspend if students skip detentions, start fights, bring concealed weapons to schools, and basically every other negative behavior.

We just can't suspend.

I'm not saying that all of my students need to be suspended or that they all deserve to be suspended, but I feel that there should be some non-negotiable acts that should lead to a suspension.  Starting a fight in the classroom should be a non-negotiable act.  Not suspending those students just gives the message that starting a fight in the classroom is completely okay and that nothing will happen to you if you do decide to fight someone in the classroom.  Ridiculous right?  Well it happens.  Right here.

Why suspension? Because it forces that parents to do something about their kids.  It forces them to put the pressure on their kids to fix their behavior at school.  If we send a student home the parent then has to figure out how they are going to come pick up their child and who they are going to have to leave their child with. Now the consequence of the negative behavior of the child is put on both that child and the parent. That's, I have noticed, how things get done.

But we can't suspend.  Why?  Well it affects our attendance.  If we don't have a 95% or higher attendance rate then we don't get our full points in our rating.  So we don't suspend kids.  So kids keep acting out, starting fights, skipping detentions, nothing happens, and nothing changes.

So I have started a new policy.  You act up in my class, you go to the principal's office and he can deal with you.  Does that not make sense?  Not having suspensions is a problem.  So how do we fix the problem?  We make it someone else's problem.  Someone else who has the power to make changes.

Let's see how long it takes for people to realize that teaching the students is far important than the attendance rate of a school.

-Ms. P