What Am I Doing?

I keep asking myself that question every time I sit down to plan my week.  What is it that I am doing?  People tell me "Wow, I'm really proud of you".  "You're making such a difference."  "Your life makes my life meaningless."

Should people be proud of me?  Am I making a difference?  Do things that I do have meaning?

Sadly,  I don't know.  I honestly don't know.  People take me for this big powerful teacher that is making a difference in the lives of children in the inner city.  What does difference even mean?  What is considered making a difference?  I personally don't think I'm making a difference at all.  I honestly don't know what I'm doing.

A few weeks ago I was told by the "Big Guy" that I needed to focus on 6th grade ELA and 7th grade science (both of which are going to be tested on).  I stared the "Big Guy" down.  Finally he split saying "I know its wrong...but.."

Corruption.  I smiled said thank you and walked out.

How do I make a difference in the lives of these kids when I'm vaguely being told not worry about half my students.

-Ms. P

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.

R.I.P Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela