I've been teaching for about 5 months now and I've begun to realize that this job gets pretty lonely at times. It's pretty much just you driving to school, setting up the classroom for the day, making copies, teaching, trying to multitask while eating your lunch, cleaning up the classroom at the end of the day, grading papers, driving home, eating dinner, watching TV, grading more papers, getting ready for the next day, going to sleep, and doing it all over again the next day. It's pretty much just you.
Being by myself isn't something that I'm very used to. Coming right out of the college atmosphere doing all these things by myself is different. It's lonely. I don't even remember the last time I picked up a phone to just talk to someone for no absolute reason. My brain is constantly in work mode. Even when driving to school I find myself thinking about school. When I go shopping I automatically start thinking, "Do I need this for my classroom?" It's a constant thing that I can't seem to get rid of. For example right now I'm looking at the christmas lights on my tree and thinking if I could decorate my classroom with them. IT JUST DOESN'T STOP! And because of this constant teacher mode brain of mine I don't have the time to "hang out". It's sad. And people may think that I'm putting my career over my family and friends, but I can't. I can't afford to.
There's so much to do and so little time.
I keep thinking that they all hate me or that they have forgotten about me because I don't keep in touch, but I'm wrong. I know I say that my students keep me going everyday, but honestly the people that I call my friends and family are doing so as well. This post is dedicated to those who have the patience for my work and my lack of time that I give to them. Because honestly if it weren't for those people I don't think I would be here today.
And fortunately I realized this yesterday when I was surprised by all of them with a check for $1,000. I still don't believe it. Honestly it's not even the money. It's knowing that a group of people came together to make this happen for my students and I. What!? It's not even about the dollar amount. If it was $5 I would've reacted the same way and $5 can go a long way at a bargain bookstore!
I want to tell them that what they have done is truly inspiring. They have given me power to keep going. To keep doing what I do. They have given my students the right to learn in a classroom where a lack of resources are a problem of the past. Words cannot even describe how I feel right now.
I'm speechless.
So yes my first year of teaching will be lonely. It is lonely. There will be days when I want to drop everything because I'm not "happy", because it's "hard", because I'm "tired", and so on. But knowing that I have a group of people that will give me their hand when I'm about to fall is truly everything that I need in life to keep me going. They haven't given me money, they have given me a much needed push to keep going.
-Ms. P
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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